The Promise

We married after consulting no one but the Lord, in the small home-office of a Reverend we didn't even know. Eight years later had a vow renewal ceremony because I (Del) finally got that itch and realized I better get in a cute dress before I get pregnant and risk completely losing the rest of the shape I've been hanging on to for dear life.

Fast forward to around early 2009, it became evident that "popping up pregnant" was unlikely. Though we weren't being purposeful or actively trying to conceive and begin our family, it just didn't make sense that it hadn't happen yet. So, we decided to look into it.

I found a great OB/GYN who helped me to understand what was going on in my body but she gave only two options: be intentional with trying to get pregnant (fertility drugs) or be intentional with preventing pregnancy (birth control).

**blank stare**

I don't recall what I said, but I do remember thinking about how that made absolutely no sense. We fell directly in the middle and to be given only those

The woman came to me and without hesitation or small talk or a "hey how are you." She just looked me in my eyes and said "is that your husband back there?" Because of her accent (it felt Caribbean or something) I couldn't really make out what she was saying, especially with the noise of people around us. But she was on a mission, I could feel it. She repeated herself once or twice more and without even looking in the direction she was pointing, I just said "yes ma'am." She then motioned for me to follow her because she had something she needed to share with us. So I followed her, wondering who in the world this lady was.

Interestingly enough, she was in fact pointing to Ivan! She went directly to the aisle he was sitting in, stepped to the side and waited for me to sit beside him. And I did just that. It was really weird! (but I felt such peace though)

I greeted Ivan with one of those "I don't know what's happening" looks as I took my seat next to him. We both looked up to her since she was standing above us and she drew close to us in order to be a little private in what she was about to share.

My mind was completely blank, I just sat there in anticipation of what she needed to tell me and Ivan.

She introduced herself, letting us know that she was the wife of the guest preacher and that she had a word for us from the Lord.

In a soft voice laced with an accent that I all of a sudden could clearly understand now, she said,

"when you placed your seed in my husband's hand,

the Lord dropped in my spirit that He is going to bless the fruit of your womb."

When the gravity of what she said passed through my brain and settled in my heart, I got the ugly face...and began to cry a deep, soul cry that came from the depths of my belly. Deep down in my heart, I feared the possibility that the Lord would share with me that it wasn't His will for us to bear biological children. It was a fear I suppressed, but it was present nevertheless. I felt Ivan place his hand on my back, rubbing me gently and I felt Mrs. Akrie embrace me on the other side as I sat in my seat crying, naked before the Lord but unashamed.

I had been released from the paralyzing fear that gripped me along with the anxiety that came along. I was released from so many unanswered questions and being curious about what God would say. I was released from the inability to allow myself to daydream about what our children, from my own womb, would look like. How they would sound when playing, laughing and even crying. I was free to dream and have an expectancy in my heart that what God said...shall come to pass. I was free.

By the way, we obviously hadn't shared any of what we were praying, fasting and believing God to speak to us about and I was too ashamed (fearful) to express a desire to be a mom to family and friends.

Well, I'm not a dweller (this is Ivan) so I don't really remember the details like Del does but I do remember being appreciative of Mrs. Akrie sharing, I was thankful for the word she delivered. More than anything, I was thankful to God.

(I swear, Ivan is such a man of few words. I'm over here writing paragraphs and he has A sentence here and A sentence there. Swear... Anywho...)

Ivan and I waited on the Lord with unwavering faith and full of expectation and confidence in God. We knew He would do precisely what He said...and at the time He knew would be right. With the first 2 years coming and going, I had become quite antsy, grew very frustrated and even irritated with this wait. I expected the manifestation of God's promise to be almost immediate. I wasn't able to understand why there was such a long wait.

I shared my heart with the Lord a few times, but I never wavered or doubted that what He said would happen. I just needed it to happen faster! Often times, He re-assured me in such beautiful and significant ways and gave me the ability to have such genuineness and authentic sincerity in my joy and happiness for others who began their families or were continuing to grow their families...while I remained in a season of waiting.

In hindsight, I can absolutely see why God took the time that He did and I have such clarity about it. He had to perform a work in us, especially me, in preparation for bearing the children He has chosen to lend us. At times the work became grueling, unbearable even, but I'm so grateful that God not only knew what He was doing, but that we were willing and able to trust Him completely.

I'm a brand new woman on so many different levels. Most will never be able to experience this newness, even as I continue to evolve. Most will remember the old Del. And that's okay. Clearly, we are in a brand new season and I wouldn't trade in the journey for nothing. But there are so many people who are (and will) get to experience my newness as a woman, our newness as a married couple with a Christ-centered marriage and journey with us...as we journey with them.

We are extremely grateful. Beyond blessed. More excited than what words can articulate. And we look forward to meeting Ivan Richards, Jr. aka J.R. aka 'lil Ive aka 2.0.

God's gift to us. Our first son. Arriving in October.

Worship service was very unique, I can't quite describe how. But the presence of the Lord was very heavy and there was an incredible joy lodged in my heart. We had a guest Pastor from one of our sister church's preach the message - Reverend Gerald Akrie of Community of Grace AME Zion during our combined worship service. This was one of those services where the Holy Spirit totally disregards the program of men, shows up and does whatsoever He chooses.

After service ended, I was at the front of the church picking up palms that fell during a random celebration march around the church. At some point, I looked up and saw a woman walking in my direction and although she could have been going anywhere to see anyone, we met eyes and I knew she was coming for me. It was weird. I tried avoid her and kept picking up palms.

options seemed ridiculous. In fact, they were ridiculous. We desired to conceive naturally, particularly since there were no major issues. We didn't want to have to "try" to get pregnant and we didn't feel the need to prevent getting pregnant either.

I can't readily recall when the maternal bug took a such a large chunk out of my soul, but when it did...my goodness! I grew a very strong desire to be a mother, I finally WANTED to be a mom. I no longer felt indifferent. Despite being accustomed to, and finding

way too much enjoyment in the freedom of marriage without the ever-consuming, daily responsibility of raising a child(ren)...something in me just clicked. And the desire became very strong.

My logic (this is Ivan) has always been to weigh the pros and cons. I completely trusted God's timing and I believe that the reality we existed in, meant that it may not have been a good time yet. We had actually prayed and asked God to preserve our marriage. Perhaps this was one of the ways He was doing just that.

But as my (this is Del) longing began to deepen, it felt like it was time to get some clarity and instruction from the Lord. Unfortunately, He was (or seemed to be) rather silent about this topic when in prayer and that began to really frustrate me. But I wasn't going to let up. I needed to know what His desire and will was concerning us as it relates to us having a biological family of our own.

For me (Ivan), I was always comfortable, knowing that God's timing would be perfect. Even when Del expressed she was ready, I was cool with that too since she talked about age and possible complications with pregnancy. But, I believed it would happen when it was meant to.

Ivan has always been a pillar of strength, steadfast and immovable. He didn't question anything and rarely does. I on the other hand, always have questions and I probably got on God's nerves at times!

We have always been very active members in our church and at the time, Spring was approaching which meant our annual consecration - 21 days of prayer and fasting - was rolling around. Wanting to capitalize on this time, Ivan and I shared our prayer lists with one another. For me, hearing from the Lord regarding our ability to start a family was numero uno.

So for 21 days, I stretched out before the Lord in faith expecting to hear from Him and by the time the fast was over I felt so blessed (and appreciative) of the fact that my husband and I stood side by side in faith, open to hear what the Lord would say and do.

Sunday, March 28, 2010 was the last day of the fast - Palm Sunday. I was excited! First, because I was starving for a hearty plate of everything we were abstaining from. I was so hungry!

But more than that, I knew I would hear from the Lord at some point in the day. I wasn't just "hoping" that I would, I knew with complete certainty that He would speak to me, most likely while in prayer that afternoon, in the privacy of our home.

Thank you to the many family and friends that stood with us, in faith and with expectancy, with joy and anticipation during our season of waiting.

Thank you for your love and your encouragement.